Wednesday, August 8, 2012

CC on Yeamax : The Best of the Long

Despite how strangely the first half of that title reads, it's accurate.  My job here, as the tail end of the Best of the Blog, was to take a post by our illustrious leader Hal Yeamax, the Iron Fist, and describe why it's the best. Or as I like to call it, the Best of the Long.

You see, the dusty despot of this ol' blog is a fan of the long blog.  We even call him Long Blog Larry on occasion.  And while I am sure we all love his posts (this isn't sarcasm, I love his posts), having to review an entire year of them doesn't exactly take a minute (though we all know what does, right?  Amirite?).

And by doesn't exactly take a minute, I mean it.  I had tickets for Osheaga in Montreal this past weekend and had to miss the entire fucking trip, in the name of the blog!  Anyway, the rest of the boiz would've had my head on a pole (something something joke ex-wife something something) if I hadn't had this post up by midweek, and that's the way I likes it.  So I read some posts, and read some more posts, had a quick cider and nap, and read some more.  And I had a problem: my favourite post of his was also the shortest.

So how in the sweet cider am I supposed to write a review of a guy that I just called Long Blog Larry when the blog itself is shorter in word count than this utterly trivial preamble?

I threw in a switch hitter.

And it's not a lame cop out of any sort.  You see, one thing the boiz don't do terribly wellas if there is any such thing is dialogue, but Yeamax just nails it in the post in question.  As well, it involves #AS2012, or as our loyal readers may know it #thetimekcerwdnearlywentinsanelivingalone.  So that's already two great things.  Need another?  Much of the dialogue is conducted in his head things he wished he had said. Anybody that can make it through an entire day in this modern society without wishing they had said all sorts of things is a dirty liar, and likely a thief as well.

I'm talking about Apartment Swap Journal, Unwanted Visitors Edition; an excellent exploration of just what it's like to live in your friends' apartment for a week, especially one as decrepit as Cooper (half kiddin' Cooper boiz).

Feast on this gem of a back and forth:
By this time the second guy was in the bathroom, spilled all over the floor like my ex-wife after a night of drinking. “Alright, well the problem here is someone who didn’t know what they’re doin’ went in and welded this part here, but he did it too high, blah, blah, blah, I was dropped on my head a half-dozen times before the age of three, blah, blah, blah,” he spewed in an accusatory tone. “No, I didn’t try to weld away the water pressure issues,” my brain said to my inner ears. 

“Well, people aren’t gonna be happy with you guys; I’m gonna have to get Derek in here to shut the whole system down. No water or heat for anyone in the building for half a day, minimum.”

“Well, let’s get a bucket under that leaky faucet in the bathtub and we should have enough to cover half the building’s needs by morning,” raged the conversation taking place in my brain.

“I don’t live here. I’ll pass the message on,” I politely replied. Blank look. More browbeating over what he suspected to be a clandestine welding operation I was running out of a swapped apartment.
One more great thing about this post is that it features yours truly in the shower.

So please, our somewhat loyal and more generally sporadic readers, take a look back on the year that was.  Have a few lolz, I certainly did myself.  Get to know yourself a little bit better by getting to know the boiz a little bit better.  And increase our page views.

Well done Yeamax and the boiz.  And Happy Birthday to Blog! One year old and it's all down hill from here.

PS. This is my favourite post of his, despite the fact that he ripped off the whole thing from me.  Take a close gander, there is an awful lot of truth in there.

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