Monday, February 20, 2012

Lad of the Week

Well, it was a tough one this week. Over the course of two Latch Out Loud board meetings, deliberations for Lad of the Week didn't really get anywhere. Jeremy Lin was an obvious candidate, but he really had a better case last week, and we've already had a sports figure named Lad of the Week. Paul McCartney recently quit smoking weed for his daughter's sake, but that really isn't gonna cut it. Adele is a girl. Bashar al-Assad is unfortunately having his way in the world, but he's not exactly the type of candidate we're looking for. Floyd Mayweather is in the news again for not having a brain. Yeesh. Let's just say it was a tough week to nominate a worthy lad. That's why we've gone the lifetime achievement route and awarded Lad of the Week to Rex Murphy.


Taken at face value, Rex seems like the type that would grind on you harder than the ex-wife. He's condescending, he's conservative, he's not fun to look at, he's a crotchety old man (who really isn't as old as you'd think), he uses unnecessarily flowery language. But ya know what? Rex is a god-damned national treasure. Who doesn't like to crank the dial to CBC's Cross Country Checkup at four o'clock on a Sunday afternoon and listen to Rex argue about global warming with an eight year-old girl? Doesn't it just warm your heart when he pretends to be impressed by an undergraduate arts student waxing philosophical on the chances of a rudderless NDP toppling the Conservatives in the next election? ("Oh, that's really interesting. I really mean that... Bitch, please; I was a Rhodes Scholar!"). Raise your hand if you change the station whenever Checkup has a guest host because Rex called in hungover again. Yeah, I thought so.

Rex isn't afraid to tell a noticeably wasted caller to go have another drink. He's perfectly comfortable interrupting a guest to make a vapid observation, only to prompt the caller to hurry up and make their point because time is running out. Quite frankly, he's better than you and he knows it. These are the exact qualities we look for in a Lad; and that's why Rex Murphy, Canadian icon, has been named this week's Lad of the Week. 

Congratulations, Rex; you've really come a long way. Now go drive a couple of four-finger scotches into ya and make sweet love to Roget's Thesaurus.



14 comments:

  1. i heard rex murphy won canada's sexiest man award 4 times in the 60's.

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  2. i heard rex grossman was named rex after rex murphy.

    T-REX

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  3. I heard rex got his name from one-punching a tyrannosaurus back in the day

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  4. is he actually a rhodes scholar? hey zeus!

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  5. i heard the state of Texas wanted to re-name itself "Rexas" after rex himself... but rex didn't want to in fear of becoming "too mainstream"

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  6. i heard rex was the founder and sole owner of all Rexall drug stores

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  7. i heard rex beat santa claus in a game of tic-tac-toe.

    HAPPY REXMAS

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  8. i heard rex's writing style is characterized by a polysyllabic style, a wide range of cultural references, and conservative-leaning positions.

    REXI SO SEXI

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  9. i heard rex once severly beat up an elderly woman in a wheelchair within an inch of her life and she said 'thank you' after she orgasmed.

    REXASAURUS

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  10. i heard rex wrote the bible.

    rexus christ.

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  11. i heard rex pees lava.

    REX URINE TROUBLE

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  12. i heard rex recently traded in lexus

    REXUS

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  13. i heard rex started practicing voodoo.

    PUT A REX ON US

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  14. i heard rex has six sides.

    REXAGON

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