Happy Monday ladies and gents! And by now you should know that "happy Monday" really means "happy Lad of the Week day!"
Okay, let’s cut to the chase…
Have you ever been on the wrong end of an automated telephone call? I sure have. I tell ya, when my phone rings for the first time in eight days I usually feel a brief yet intense flutter of excitement and hope in my heart. I generally let it ring a few times before picking up; giving myself a moment to think of whom it might be on the other end, while also creating the illusion that I haven’t been waiting by the phone all week. Maybe the waitress from that bar I’m always at finally realized that I’ve been leaving my phone number on all those bills that I generously tip 30 percent on? Hey, it could be Bill from Woodcrest Financial Services calling to offer me that job! Or maybe the ex-wife is calling to reconcile? Alas, my enthusiasm usually comes screeching to a halt as I answer the phone to hear a robot talking in mid-sentence, telling me how I can cut my debt in half while simultaneously doubling the size of my johnson. Fucking robots!
Now we can all have ourselves a laugh at how pathetic these automated voice calls are, but things become a little more serious and a little less humourous when gutter politics and automated phone calls are cooked up with a pinch of voter apathy to form a tasteless neo-conservative majority government. Ladies and gentlemen, this is how we get civic food poisoning!
I’m speaking of course of allegations that the Conservative Party commissioned one or more agencies to make automated phone calls to opposition supporters, directing would-be voters to made up polling stations in the days leading up to last May’s federal election. Now we all know that Stephen Harper is a devious little scumbag with a toupee and ambitions to bathe the world in oil and towel it off with asbestos, but could it be true that he and his party are willing to trample all over the democratic values that he holds so dear in exchange for majority rule of the country? I wouldn’t put it past him. Anyways, it appears that this story is just beginning to unfold, and that we will be finding out more of the truth over the next couple of weeks. Might some Conservative staffers go to prison over this? Will some MPs lose their seats on account of these alleged misdeeds? We shall find out in due time.
In the meanwhile, we need to crown a Lad of the Week, and so we’re going to give it to the two fellas that broke this story wide open last week. I’m speaking, of course, of Postmedia’s Stephen Maher and Glen McGregor.
Congratulations fellas, this country owes you a debt of gratitude for overcoming massive cuts to newspaper operations around the world, and resultant and endemic shallow reporting to break a story that has legitimate meaning to Canadians. I don’t know what kinda drinks you boyz fancy, but be it a White Russian or a tall glass of cranberry juice, go drive a couple into ya! You’re Lads of the Week!