Thursday, February 16, 2012

Uncle Buck and Today's Youth

With great power comes great responsibility.

It’s hard to imagine that one of the boiz would rise to the ranks of management in any office setting, but it has happened. David Dave and Dale (I give them equal credit for my ability to rise through the ranks) has recently been placed in a supervisor role for a new employee. Now I don’t know about you, but my management skills are pretty good- I like to keep mine razor sharp.

So earlier today, this young go-getter of an employee walks up to me and says, “You got a minute?” I reply the only way I know how. The way any self respecting, UB loving lad would, “I got lots of minutes.” He looks at me, a look of confusion swept over his face and his mouth agape (That’s a pretty stupid thing to do during flu season).

“Pardon,” he says. I think that perhaps he didn’t hear me so I repeat, a little louder this time and with a tad more conviction, “I got lots of minutes!”

“Sorry?” he responds. I think to myself, what is his record for consecutive questions asked anyway? They certainly are scraping the bottom of the barrel for co-op students these days.

I explain to him it’s a reference from the movie Uncle Buck and if you can believe it, the kid has never heard of it. It would be bad enough if he claimed he didn't know the line but worse, he’s never heard of it. Has the kid never tuned in to CBC on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon? Never checked a “For Sale” bin at a video store? Uncle Buck is UB-iquitous. It’s everywhere.

Believe me, it’s not like this guy is out zooming the girls all weekend either.

My mind starts racing. You low-life-lying-four-flushing-sack-of-shit I think to myself, but I’m management now... I restrain. Baffled and a little bit upset, I tell the kid to write me a one page report on Uncle Buck, including a brief plot outline, character descriptions and memorable lines. He laughs. I stare. He laughs again. My gaze continues.

He walks quietly back to his desk to find this email awaiting him.

Oh and I’m serious about that Uncle Buck note. One page (plot summary, actors and memorable lines). Before 4:30 PM. Tick tock

His response followed only minutes later…
Key Findings:
  • Uncle Buck is one of John Hughes worst
  • Late 80's/early 90's comedies are some of the best
  • Macaulay Culkin became really messed up in his later years (used to be such a sweet kid!)
  • John Candy could have used Simon to help him get into lunch runs.
Recommendations: Continue monitoring comedy movies during work

Big mistake, kid. Did you have a few drinks this morning? I think ya did, didn’t ya. I reply quickly and without hesitation…

Key Findings
  • This is one of YOUR worst
  • Agreed
  • Being a child star aint easy
  • You take that back
  • Watch Uncle Buck if you want people to take you seriously
Redo this please.

He has yet to reply. Do you think he hates me? With a passion. But that doesn’t matter. I am his supervisor and it’s not my job to be his friend. We got four months left together and by the end, he’ll know Uncle Buck. He’ll know him real well. Good day to you, sir.
Ahhhhhhhh yeahh


  1. This low-life-lying-four-flushing-sack-of-shit just shot to the top of the boizzz to do list.

  2. "sorry" he responds...if only he knew how sorry he would be...

    "I see a bad egg when I look at this co-op student"

    I'm livid.

  3. i wish you could still smoke in school