The Five Degrees of Dale

Now I'm not saying I have a personality disorder.

Cause I don't. Seriously, he doesn't. What do you know anyway?

But like anyone, I like to handle myself (who doesn't?!) in different ways depending on the situation I'm faced with. The guy you meet on a Monday morning whilst tossing the proverbial excrement by the water cooler is not going to be the same dude you bump into on a Friday night down at the ol' watering hole. A quick aside, remember the watering hole? Crazy to think that the possibility of a late night giraffe sighting consumed so many seemingly normal individuals for such an extended period of time but I digress...

As I was saying, different Dale on different days. So for those of you that interact with me on a regular basis, I have created this handy little primer I like to call, "The Five Degrees of Dale"

David

Characteristics:
Straight forward, Reliable, Honest
Can be found at:
Events involving extended family, Job Interviews, Church

This is the type of guy you'd want to introduce to your grandmother. Polite and courteous and a tad milquetoast, David is a well-mannered individual that always thinks of other people first. You'll find David makes an appearance when things get intense at work. When the going gets tough, the Dale gets David. Or something along those lines. The lads may not know this Dale, but trust me, he exists.

Dave

Characteristics:
Charming, Sharp-witted, Intelligent
Can be found at:
MacDonald Family Gatherings, Work, First Date

On the spectrum of Dale, this is the equilibrium. Always armed with a one-liner and able to get a laugh in most situations, Dave is a hit at work. "Are you always this funny," the 40 somethings often exclaim.This guy deserves full credit for my ability to hold down an excellent job that I am under no stretch of the imagination, qualified for. A hit with the ladies, Dave is able to find that delicate and somewhat elusive balance between reliable employee, jokester and sarcastic prick.

Dale

Characteristics:
Funny, Sarcastic, Bordering on Prickish
Can be found at:
Hanging with the boiz/lads, Local Bar, Crowded Bus, Sens Game

The transformation from Dave to Dale happens suddenly and often without warning. A snide somewhat inappropriate remark in a meeting, a judgmental glance on the bus, either way, you'll know him when you see him. Still a generally laid back, good guy, Dale is revered by the boiz but somewhat feared outside of his circle of friends. For the most part cordial, Dale's sarcastic tone can often be misinterpreted. It is Dale that penned this blog. He rarely appears in a work-setting but is greeted with raised eye-brows and disconcerting glances when he does. Mix this guy with booze and you have a combustible situation on your hands. See below

Daley

Characteristics:
Confident, Bold, Slightly obnoxious
Can be found at:
Out with the Boiz, At the Bar, Wiser's Box at a Sens Game

This is Dale after a few drinks. Easily recognizable thanks to the guaranteed presence of a beverage in his hand. "Are we going out," or "Sure, I'll have another" you'll hear him say. For the most part, a fun guy to be around but has a tendency to repeat himself. Will not hesitate to engage in an argument over a topic he likely knows very little about, Daley is loved by some, a nuisance to others. A real straight shooter, tells-it-like-it-is kind of lad. Not nearly as charming as he believes himself to be but exactly the kind of guy you want to have with you on a night out.


Dusty Daley

Characteristics:
Irrational, Reckless, Dimwitted
Can be found at:
Sleeping on your couch at 4 AM, Dance Floor, Downtown Toronto Tattoo Parlour

Daley's ugly cousin. I know very little about Dusty Daley. Most of what I've learned about this somewhat mythical creature is based on embarrassing photos and second hand account. This, loyal Latch Out Loud readers, is the blacked out version of myself. Fueled by an insatiable thirst for booze, Dusty Daley is for lack of a better term, a mess. A hoot to be around, he makes bad decisions and plenty of 'em. Easily influenced and extremely impressionable, DD is the life of the party, or at least thinks he is. Known to frequently misplace valuables, spend excessively, talk loudly and even execute leg wiggling/groin thrusting dance moves, this guy...this guy is tremendous! It's just a damn shame I'll never have a chance to meet him.