Monday, January 2, 2012

7 New Year’s Resolutions Actually Worth Keeping

Hello friends and welcome to 2012. Another year enters the history books and brings with it another clean slate. Most of us, myself included, have likely limped across the starting line making January 1st, 2012 an early, yet not to be forgotten candidate for debilitating hangover of the year. Others, you know who you are, started the year without a hangover for “the first time since they were fifteen”, very noble indeed. However you celebrated the changing of the calendar, 2012 promises to be full of highs and lows, laughs, tears a few drunken texts and way too many beers.

Now I am not about to promise any of you, or myself for that matter that 2012 is going to be terribly different than its ugly cousin; 2011 – because it probably won’t be. What I will offer however is 7 New Year’s Resolutions that are both attainable and rewarding in an attempt to help all of you do what I am aiming to do in 2012 – take baby steps toward being a healthier contributing member of society(or what most people would describe as a normal human being). The only promise I am willing to make is that this blog will continue to be filled with stories (true and untrue), advice (mostly useless), incoherent ramblings and never under any circumstances, any form of an apology. Start the car...

1) Be nicer to the people in your life who deserve it, be less nice to those who don’t...

Anything for the boizzz. Always for the boizz. It’s time to start letting the people who you care about know it. This includes family, valued co-workers and of course your friends. Did one of your closest friends move to London for school? Time for a roady! One of your friends starts dating someone who you aren’t so sure about? Give the las a second chance lad! If there’s one thing 2011 has taught me it’s the value of friends. As high as that credit card bill gets the boys will always be there to drag you out for a few pops and a mulligatawny soup to push that balance a little higher – in my eyes, you can’t put a price on that.

Make the world a better place punch Justin Bieber in the face – seriously, I’ll pay you. As for the second portion of this resolution I think it’s time to trim the fat (no, not those man boobs you’ve gotten but we’ll get to that too). It’s time to start phasing out those people whom bring nothing to the table. Make that circle a little tighter and your life a little brighter. No one needs 895 Facebook friends but dang-nabbit it’s hard to delete them, best to start with real life.

2) Find a physical activity that keeps you healthy & happy...

Like running until you pass out and die? Does going down to your local dojo and getting choked unconscious give you a vicarious thrill? Do you slide down ¾’s of the ski hill on the heel edge of your snowboard but finish the run begging for more? Whatever sport/activity you enjoy, do it. I know we’d all love to lose 20 pounds before the midwinter all inclusive but that’s probably not going to happen. While you’re struggling to reach unrealistic fitness goals set one day aside to do something hard that you really enjoy. It will be worth it.

3) Take some time to improve your living space...

I was at a friend’s apartment the other day and thought to myself: “Hey this place is nice, why do I live in such a shithole”. So, on the second day of the New Year I rearranged the living room, gave the place a sweep and wipe (a swipe?) and did some “around the house” things I’d been meaning to do for some time. Although I’m not sure the new set up is any nicer or any more functional, I feel good that I got down to business and did some things I’ve wanted to do. All of this is pending roommate approval of course. I’d also like to give my Mom and step Dad a shout out for getting the boys a TV for Christmas. Hi Mom!!!!!!!

4) Make a drink your own...

I knew a girl once who would almost always order the same drink at pubs/restaurants when the setting called for a more casual drinking pace. The drink was a crown float (Strongbow with little Guinness poured on top). I only think the drink itself is ok and the girl and I have fallen decidedly out of favour but I still think having a standard drink order is very cool. This guy will be drinking Newcastle Brown Ale and/or gin and tonics with a lime in 2012 (although I think drinking doubles will stay in 2011, maybe...). See you at the Mayflower!!!

5) Do something for the less fortunate...

See that old woman struggling to get down the stairs at the mall, why not offer her a hand? Odds are she is probably a mean hearted, crusty old bitch and will tell you; “Get Away! I can do it myself!!!”. It could be however she is kind hearted, sweet and has always wanted a grandson, in which case I think she would really appreciate the help. I’m not sure I support giving the homeless change (I prefer to leave my empties by the road so at least I know they're doing some legwork to earn their coin), but why not give them the time of day when they ask? I think they appreciate not being ignored, I know I do (show me some comments people!).

6) For everyday you waste with a hangover, make another day your bitch...

No one loves closing all the windows, doors and lights in their apartment as you wait for the forehead carpenters to finish the log cabin before sun down, more than this guy. But for every day I do waste hung-over in 2012 I will endeavour to make a different day my bitch. Few things can make a man feel worth his weight more than polishing off a lengthy to do list over the course of the day. Ever woken up at 8 am on a Saturday and went to get a coffee and a newspaper? Peacefulness defined. For every day you waste begging the forehead carpenters to move their workshop from your brain to Bert's room, bend another day over and have your way with it.

7) Stop apologizing...

Without elaborating too much it has been brought to my attention that I apologize far too often. So much in fact that one friend has labelled me an “apologist”. It came to a boiling point the other day when mid apology, I began apologizing for the initial apology – have you ever read a more pathetic sentence? I plan on maintaining my reputation as a chivalrous, decently well mannered male but no apologies will I offer. Clarifying my intentions, ya, I can do that for you, but “I’m sorry” has been devalued long enough. I’m sorry folk’s; it’s just the way it has to be!

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK...down another dollar.






2 comments:

  1. how's that jar filling up derk?

    ReplyDelete
  2. who's derk? huh? 6 dollars. 2 days apology free though.

    ReplyDelete