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Boizzz Day in Court; The boizzz v. The Cartier Street Bandits

IN THE BOIZZZ DISTRICT COURT
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THE BOIZZZZZ,

Plaintiff,

v.

Derek “Derk” McConnery, also known as “Daryl” and Andrew “Twinkle Toes” Rytwinski, also known as "Senor Andre", "Senor Andre 3000", "Andy", "Twinski (french accent)" and "Twinky"

Also know has the Cartier Street Banditts

Defendant.
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NO. CR-01
Ottawa, Ontario, via WhatsAp Instant Messaging Service

BEFORE: THE HONORABLE R.STEVEN “NEW” ZORGEL,

BOIZZ JURY TRIAL

DAY ONE

VOLUME I

BE IT REMEMBERED, the above-entitled cause came on for hearing this 4th day of February, 2013, before the Honourable Steven “New” Zorgel, when the following testimony and evidence was introduced, to-wit;

Raptors to acquire Gay; Mayor announces boycott of team

The Toronto Raptors have agreed in principle to a trade to acquire high-scoring forward Rudy Gay from the Memphis Grizzlies in exchange for veteran point guard Jose Calderon and third-year forward Ed Davis. Memphis is expected to move Calderon to a third team, possibly the Detroit Pistons, for a small forward to fill the void left by Gay’s departure. The Raptors will also acquire Grizzlies centre Hamed Haddadi in the trade.

Welcome to Habana - The B is Silent and the Silent B is Pronounced Like a V

(Ed. note:  Some of da boiz are doing the traveling thing these days, and CC wishes he was, hence the timely posting of something he should have put up years ago when he actually went to Cuba.  Also, CC wanted to pass on to Yeamax; "maybe he'll get off his ass and finally start transcribing the Ron Diaries!".  Also, he would like to apologize for his complete and utter lack of understanding of past, present and future tenses.)

Note from the actual editor:  I'm confused. Good luck, dear readers.

I stumbled out into the street, half on account of the cracked and uneven side walk, and half on account of still being half in the bag.  Awaking with what could only be described as an enjoyable foreign hangover, it had quickly been decided between me and my partner in crime that I would be the one to venture out in search of water.  I wanted to smoke a cigarette anyway, and being the polite guy that I am, thought best not to do so in the shared bedroom.

Texting 101

Look, we all like to text. Let’s just have that out in the open right from the start. And let’s also put it to the record that texting is pretty well the largest single waste of human existence that I can possibly think of. Regrettably, there is no fighting the rising tide of human ignorance. Try as we might, we have all resigned ourselves to squandered moments of otherwise precious time spent semi-dexterously finger blasting a touch screen.

XXXmas Potlatch - One Night Only

Oh yes.

A Homeless Man Trolls Craigslist

If you read my last post, then you're aware that I've been looking for an apartment in Toronto. Well, its been two-and-a-half months and the search continues. It's actually almost funny how ridiculous it is. Almost.

According to the Toronto Star, the vacancy rate sits at 1.4 percent in this city. I can just about guarantee you that the vacancy rate for apartments that aren't over $1000, that aren't basement apartments, and that aren't embarrassingly transparent scams posted by shameless Saudi princes is much lower. Probably around 0.2 percent. Basically, if you've got a reasonably priced apartment downtown, you'd be wise to hold on to it. Or rent it to me.

Anyways, now that I've updated you on the trials and tumults in my life, let's get down to the meat of this post...